State of the ‘Dex’ – how I’m doing lately

Apologies for updating my various everythings online so infrequently. I’ve been having issues managing my chronic health issues in the last several months and I don’t really know when that’s going to get better again for a decent length of time. This makes me lonely but unable to do most of the things that would alleviate that loneliness, so I’m putting what I can think of about “how I’m doing” and “what I’ve been up to” into a post so interested friends can just read it instead of worrying about whether asking will add to my stresses. ^^;

Wait…isn’t this what blogs were classically for? 🤔

Never mind. Onward!

First, I haven’t been doing as many commissions as some folks think I have, but I have been doing a lot of practice painting. I feel like my skills leveled up quite a bit over the last year but I’m still not 100% happy with my general workflow and process. I’ve been reading/watching a lot of tutorials and ordered a book about how to render light and colour that’s been on my wishlist a long time. I imagine I’ll have new things good enough to show once I’ve got that and had a bit of a read through. Despite having now spent as many years trying to self-teach myself digital painting as I had previously spent learning analogue methods, I’m still further behind in the digital medium skill-wise. I think this is mostly because I developed some bad habits in the old-fashioned methods that get in my way in digital. I’m determined to fix this.

I’ve also had a lot of days where I just can’t do much of anything. Not even gaming. Not even gaming from bed. I tend to struggle more with anxiety than depression but this has left me pretty depressed a lot. If all you see of me for a stretch is the odd liked tweet and fewer RT’s it’s probably one of those days where I can’t engage at all due to either the pain or the depression or both. I really miss everybody but can’t quite engage directly and that gets sad-making. If it helps I’d like y’all to know I’m thinking about you like, all the frickin time and about all the stuff I want us to do/play together. My whole assorted friend group online and off is so good nowadays, I can’t even believe it. I thought it would never happen, especially after Jamie and I became fully out as a queer/trans couple. I cannot believe this luck. I pine constantly for the socializing spoons I had in my teens and hope to see/hang online with everybody I possibly can as soon as I can.

It’s not all doom and gloom thankfully, despite our car getting broken into AGAIN.

Jamie and I got caught up on Steven Universe, and like, less than a week after we did the show creator came out as a nonbinary woman which I am too and I’m so thriiiiiiiiilled! It’s one thing to feel seen, but to know that you were seen by a show ON PURPOSE is just the bees motherfuckin knees. Also a friend I’ve had for ages who only came out queer a little while ago also just came out NB so it turns out I have even more friends like myself than I previously knew. How did I get this lucky?

The world is incredibly shit right now so I’m especially relieved that I figured so much stuff out about how to manage my life and what friends to keep before it hit this level of badness. It means my family and friend groups are a joyful resource that’s safe to pour energy into when I can instead of a drain and a one-sided obligation that constantly bleeds me dry. I’m feeling rough but at least I also feel like I’ve made and am still making good life choices finally.

See you all again soon. Wish me luck getting my prescriptions covered so I can DO ALL THE THINGS again. 😀